On average, in my house sick days are few and far between. I take great pride in this as I work really hard to make sure to nourish my family well and do what I reasonably can to keep disease at bay. However, last Saturday we all went as a family to Ashlands Science Works for their Noon Year’s Eve Party. The little prince is getting older and I thought he would really enjoy it. Spoiler alert, he did! He played with some cool standing mountain things, watched astronauts in space, played with a large xylophone and a pipe organ. At noon they did a ballon drop which was so fun, and he got to take home a balloon! It’s currently his favorite toy.
Anyways, this was his first time in a space with sooooo many other children. As we all know, that many children all together, there’s bound to be a few who are actively sick and their parents brought them anyways, or carriers of sickness that spread to other children. It was no surprise to me when Monday he began exhibiting signs of feeling unwell.
Thankfully it is nothing major. He had a cough that doesn’t sound comforting and he naps longer than normal. But he is still playing with the same enthusiasm and never got a fever. Thank the goddess.
Not long after it began to affect myself and my partner. My partner got over it more quickly than I did. In fact, I’m still struggling through it! But this leads me to my ultimate point.
Whenever I get sick and need to take time for myself in order to get better, I am always overrun by these feelings of guilt and fear.
I feel guilty for taking time for myself, laying in bed eating soup and not doing my normal day to day duties. I feel guilty that my son doesn’t get full access to me like he does every other day. I feel fear that he is always a little bit sad that he isn’t playing with me all day like normal. Keep in mind he is with his father who loves him and is fully capable of taking care of him. And Arthur loves his dad dearly. I often heard his screams of delight and giggles throughout the day from the bedroom, encouraging me that my taking this time was alright. But every time he cried (as babies always do) I felt that guilt once again. It never went on for long. But when it happened it definitely tugged at me.
I still saw and spent time with my little prince. He generally nurses to sleep, so at nap time I came out and we got to spend quality time nursing together. Or whenever else he asked to nurse I was there to provide. Breast milk is such a super power to babies, especially when sick. For those who may not know, when a baby nurses, there is a feedback loop that happens. Their saliva goes into the mother body through the nipple, the mother’s body then reads what the baby needs. On any given day it could be more protein or more calcium, then the baby is sick it will read what the sickness is and create antibodies to help fight it. So the next time baby nurses, they are getting all the antibodies for the germs they are fighting off straight from mom’s breast milk. Cool right?! I’m often star gazed at how magical a woman’s body is.
Anyways, I’m blessed to have a partner who hears these fears and concerns I have and reminds me every time that he is a parent too. That our son enjoys spending quality time with his father. That I deserve rest to heal and get better. That everything is okay. It helps. Those feelings haven’t fully gone away. But maybe in time, they will. Because it takes a village to raise a child. And every child deserves a village. I am constantly learning how to rely on my village, for myself and for my son.
Thank you for joining me in this journey today!
Blessings,
Queen Andelynn Pendragon
